The abusive online comments, trolling, which is largely (though not totally) aimed at women, as well as all the other forms of gender based violence, abuse, and hatred are a very important - even vital, guide to how our patriarchal system functions and just how damaging it is for all of us. All this anger, violence, and general misogyny are the symptoms of something much bigger, something we just don't look at. These are symptoms which when we ignore, are the causes of this poisonous malaise creating so much gender wounding and damage, but as symptoms they are also shining a light on the road we need to explore towards equality and freedom, which we can choose to take.
Essentially patriarchy describes the system whereby we treat men and women as if they are from different planets and are different beings altogether. Men are put on a pedestal, given special attentions and powers, which is called 'male privilege'. Women are expected to be subservient, 'less-than' in many areas of life, and often then the victims of abuse at the hands of the system, and particularly of men. This is referred to as 'misogyny', the negative and limiting treatment of women which continues to be such a feature in our society.
Misogyny and how it affects women and girls has been explored, documented, researched, and thanks to feminist activism, challenged, and especially in the last couple of decades, has been hugely reported on across the media and political arena. We are now, to some extent more aware of the range of ways and across so many aspects of their lives that girls and women are disadvantaged, curtailed, victimised, abused, and at risk, which extends to some being raped and even murdered on a daily basis. And yet it seems to continue, as if some great reluctance to acknowledge or address this vast injustice.
When I first started hearing the feminist criticisms of male privilege and demands for change, I found it was a hard thing to acknowledge; it was uncomfortable and confusing to come across all the evidence that seemed to support the 1980's feminist statements that 'all men are bastards!' yet I couldn't argue that there were a lot of men who seemed to be behaving like right bastards!
As I heard and learnt more, as more women found ways to communicate their experiences, and as researchers and documentaries gave details of the range, extent, and especially severity of this sexism, and then the impacts all this has on girls and women everywhere, it became hard to avoid the truth, and lots of men tried to grapple with what it meant and what to do about it. The outcome of this was not a speedy and effective transition to a just and level playing field for men and women. There definitely have been positive changes for women, while for men there mainly just seems to be confusion - we didn't know what to do, often seem to get it wrong even when trying our best and a lot of what we were being expected to do didn't really make sense largely because our lived experiences were so different to the women's. The whole idea that men were privileged often doesn't ring true - it doesn't feel like we are enjoying much privilege. So while we learnt that men needed to give up some of the privileges we understood we had, it felt like a lose-lose, and there's one important aspect that is being overlooked which has therefore lead to this massive lack of progress.
In order to be able to balance the books in the privilege accounting, we need to take into account all the figures. At the moment we have learnt and explored, recorded and discussed all the ways patriarchy disadvantages women.. and there is no denying it certainly does! What we then need to do is to look at how men themselves might be affected by patriarchy! But if we only explore how patriarchy privileges men, this is basically what we have already done when we see how women are adversely affected, by comparison! It implies that we assume that men obviously don't suffer any disadvantages. Is this because we fail to see how can privilege confer anything but advantages, or more seriously, do we actually see men and patriarchy as one and the same thing?! Either of these are unjust and even dangerous.
If we consider whether men suffer any disadvantages under patriarchy, we should remember that until women started to explore how they were disadvantaged, we were largely unaware of the extent and depths that male privilege impacted women. The Suffragettes were initially hugely unpopular with both men and women, and this only changed as the 'new way of thinking' they opened up became more common and took root in people's understanding. Similarly until we start to explore how men are impacted by patriarchy, it is to be expected that initially we fail to notice what then turns out to be not just blindingly obvious, but also hugely important.
It is becoming so clear if we look, that men are not doing well in this patriarchal system, and in many ways are actually having a terrible time of it. Whether it is the high suicide figures, or the rates of addiction - be it drink, drugs, sex, porn, work, sport, violence, or other coping mechanisms.. or the percentage of prison inmates, or of homeless people, or for workplace deaths, or school exclusions and low attainment, or premature death-rates, or being the victims of violence, or.. or.. the list goes on and on! In all of these and many more tell-tale stories men are struggling, failing, suffering, and are the victims of our culture, our sexist, patriarchal society, and the gender expectations which we all live under. Whether we call it 'male privilege' or not, the truth hurts, and it's really hurting men, and we currently fail to recognise this or account for it in discussing what needs to be done!
Maybe this is part of the reason why there has been such slow response, and so little progress in undoing the gender violence and misogyny that we now see happening all around us in the common daily workings of our lives, and which have such devastating consequences for so many woman and girls, as well as their families, partners, children, and basically society as a whole, as well as the losses we all endure from their lost opportunities and contributions to date. If we are demanding that men give up some of their privilege, it would help if these men actually recognise what this privilege is; if men do not feel their's is a privileged existence, then how can we give up something we do not feel we have?
This is not to make excuses! The aim in exploring and sharing here is to create and allow change, healing, and reparations, and building a feminist future for us all! And let's remember that feminism implies equality for all, freedom for all, regardless of sex or gender.
Failing to see how men are suffering as a result of their patriarchal roles in our modern lifestyles, therefore stops us finding ways to support men to change in the ways equality demands. But more crucially, if we confuse men with patriarchy and see them as one and the same thing, we then not only refuse to acknowledge men's actual experiences, their wounding, pain, and all the damages outlined above, but we set men as the enemy in a war of the sexes. This is the narrative that has actually been at the root of the problem until now. Early feminism didn't differentiate between men and the system, and the media were very willing to promote this binary conflict which is what they do so often, and always to disempower any movement for change.
Feminists now recognise that it is the patriarchal system and the gender stereotyping upon which this is founded, that disadvantage and harm both men and women, everyone in fact, and that we are all on the 'same side' in needing to challenge and undo the patriarchy that is causing so much damage to us all and the planet we live on!
In the struggle for Women's Liberation, women have done much of their work in identifying and challenging the ways they suffer under patriarchy. Men need to be able to do this for their liberation now. Exploring and uncovering the truths of men's lived experiences, sharing and feeling into our lives, dissecting this 'male privilege' for what is really is, and owning up to our responsibility for our own changes will take courage and conviction; we will need to learn new skills, support each other, and stand up for what we believe in and want.
Being 'on a pedestal' is not a very nice place to be - it's lonely, judgemental, open to attack and competition, and not at all comfortable - there's little opportunity for change, reflection or self-expression when you're perched up there on your own!
Likewise burying our heads in the trenches in a War of the Sexes along with those trolls and misogynists, blaming women, hating their freedoms rather than realising 'I want these too - I can start to step out side the box that patriarchy tries to put me into', will only end up denying us all the goodness, beauty, courage and love that men are also born with, but have been denied access to as part of our 'male privilege'.
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ManCelebrating is about Patriarchy, gender stereotypes and how this impacts men.
It explores what happens to men in our society that leaves so many having to live with
a toxic sense of masculinity, which blights their lives and of those they live with.
ManCelebrating is about recognising the wonderful, lovely, and awesome nature of
boys and men, and aims for Men's Liberation into a healthier and happier life.
ManCelebrating is about Change
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