International Men's Day falls on 19th November each year. It's one day, a time to celebrate men and boys in all their diversity, to explore what it's like to be a man or a boy in our society, and what we can do better. Surely men are worth this.
A common response is that 'every day is men's day!' This follows the idea that it's a mans world. That Patriarchy is all about men, and totally, exclusively benefits men. We are now learning just how untrue this is - yes men do benefit in many ways, but they also suffer because of the expectations and narrow roles which we are brought up to follow.
Firstly, it is besides the point that on 19th November the media virtually ignores the topic of International Mem's Day - surely every day the papers are all about men! 'Men, men men -how much attention do you guys want!?'
Although the papers, radio and TV are predominantly about men, and what men do.. in politics, in business, sports, the Arts and so on, the fact is that this is not about the men - it's about politics, business, sports and the Arts and so on. It's not actually about the men themselves. What we rarely see or hear is what is going on for these and other men. What are the issues affecting them, their problems, challenges, hopes and fears, and especially what do we need to be doing to make things better for men, and especially for boys.
This is a shocking omission; half the population and yet no consideration for how they are doing!
The 'whitewash' given is that 'because Patriarchy is all about men, and creates a culture of male domination and supremacy' then men are obviously benefitting form it all, so no need to look there! But this is clearly a load of nuts (or some other similar term) if we actually chose to look:
Yes men do benefit in some ways.. in lots of ways; I'm not disputing the whole host of ways being male is an advantage! - earning higher rates of pay, being seen and heard more, feeling safer walking down a street at night (possibly?) etc etc
These advantages are well researched, explored, explained, and described across the media in daily reports and supportive detail.
But there are disadvantages too, just as there are advantages and disadvantages to being female!
The ways that being raised male in our Patriarchal society affects boys and men is rarely explored, and even less considered. This is the whitewash - assumed to be true without really being assessed.
There are a host of ways that being put into positions of supremacy do not benefit the men involved, and in fact carries a huge cost for the men.
The high rates for men of suicide, homelessness, missing persons, addictions (sex, drugs, work, sport, gaming etc), as well as prison custody.
The low attainment of boys and men at all stages of education
Men’s health - their shorter life expectancy, avoiding self -care or visits to a doctor
High levels of risk taking, acceptance of danger, and workplace deaths
Most victims of violence are male, and that's before we include soldiers killed in wars
Males are also victims and survivors of sexual abuse, rape, sexual exploitation, domestic abuse, forced marriage, honour-based crime, stalking and slavery
Men are shamed and disadvantaged by the often negative portrayal of men, boys and fathers in the media, arts, and wider society
The term Toxic Masculinity is commonly used now, to describe the negative (poisonous) effects of raising boys in a shaming Patriarchal system, which boxes boys and men into a rigid unhealthy set of expectations around how to behave to be acceptably male.
International Men's Day is about celebrating and promoting Healthy Masculinity - more diverse, affirmative, loving and respecting.. which can give men and boys better life chances, and which then improves the ways men relate to women. So let's celebrate the healthy and wonderfully rich and diverse, affirmative sides of men, including their dedication and hard work, the sacrifices and their courage, their struggles to love their friends, partners, children and even themselves.
One day could make all the difference!
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