What we see is what we get used to, what we judge to be right..
What we see around us is what we become. All those hidden messages and what they imply have a profound impact on us all. Our children soak up the messages from the world they see around them, and it's a patriarchal world out there!
A friend shared a funny video on social media recently; it was a slide show of men at work, titled 'This is why women live longer than men..!' It showed a stream of ridiculously unsafe, risky, crazy even.. working situations that men get themselves into: a man balancing on a supermarket trolley, in a puddle, trying to fix an outdoor spot-light, in the rain.. sort of things.
Most of the comments men had posted were 😂 😂 😂, and to be honest it was funny.
And to be really honest it was actually awful. What it showed was man after man putting themselves in terrible danger to get the job done. In some way I would say that it's a great slide show! First it acknowledges that many men do actually die young and on the whole men do have shorter lives than women (and there's lots of reasons or issues in this that we can look at later.. I'll blog about this soon..)
But it's good particularly because it depicts a great truth about being a man - that what is expected of us, and so what we end up doing to be a 'good man' is to 'get the job done!' And that is exactly what most guys try to do for the rest of their lives.. get the job done, be a good man. Regardless of what dangers it carries. A few wounds, scars, bruises, all signify that I've worked well - done a manly job. Even getting killed is acceptable as it means I fulfill the Hero requirement bit of being a man!
Out there in all weathers, cold and muddy, countless men dig holes in roads, lay pipes and cables, carry out emergency repairs, build bridges and roads, weld ships, work the harbours for those ships, drive vehicles and operate machines.. whatever it takes to get the job done, in however noisy, smelly, unpleasant conditions, and so often risking life and limb in challenging and unsafe circumstances.
And yet, even in spite of the high-viz uniforms so many workers wear now, we don't really even notice them there. At least not consciously - but we do subconsciously 'see' them.. subliminally.. and so the message this all conveys sticks inside us. Men are here to get the job done. Staying safe and happy, or even comfortable is not part of that. In fact being heroic, strong, self-sacrificing, getting hurt, are all honourable and thus acceptable and even welcomed outcomes for us men. Getting killed is just one of those things, sad but it happens, and we just accept it as a fact of life, a fact of being a man.
These messages particularly stick in the minds of our little boys, looking out the car windows or from the buggy, and watching telly at home. And it's a terrible message to give them. You're not here to be yourself, to have fun, to love and be loved, to feel good; you're here to get the job done, and you're expendable! Get used to it buddy - it's called being a man! Ever noticed how unhappy and angry many men look going about their business, frowning and serious? It's a serious thing this being a man, dangerous too.
Whether you train to be a brain surgeon or become a successful lawyer, or maybe you work on the roads or are a builder.. you will still perch on top of a wobbly stool to change that light bulb, or paint that ceiling balancing on top of the step-ladder whilst reaching over the stairs, and most likely will drive whilst exhausted, over-work yourself in whatever job it is, or do some of the countless other high risk activities we all do to get the job done! Taking good care of yourself is not part of your role. Sorry!
But even more sad is that all this is so un-noticed. OK, so we want the roads, cables, bridges.. and someones got to do it. But men are literally killing themselves to get the job done, and we don't even notice them doing it. They're walking about looking pissed off and we don't seem to notice that either. They get muddy, cold, wounded and hurt, don't look after themselves, or keep themselves safe , heroically keeping on the job however much it hurts, and we just accept it all - because they're men. And in not noticing, we also then don't care for them, don't show concern for their welfare, nor celebrate their selfless courage and commitment.
Is this 'just how it is'? As if there's nothing we can do about it? If so, we'll just carry on doing that, generation after generation.. and that's not good enough! Not good enough for the little boys growing up now, and it needs to change; so let's start seeing these men, the danger they live with, and at least acknowledge what's going on, and even celebrate them for what they are doing for us.
Men account for 96% of workplace deaths each year in the UK (and that's not including deaths from ill health caused through work, and nor does it include soldiers getting killed in battle)
https://www.shponline.co.uk/infographic/men-23-times-more-likely-to-die-in-the-workplace-than-women/
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